2018: YEAR OF KINDNESS

Starting off 2017 by being tucked under covers, wearing two layers of clothes, medicated, and still freezing like heck might not make it surprising that this year has not been my best. After being well enough to get tested in couple of days, I found out I had alarmingly high stats, went to the hospital, and got myself straight to the ER. I ended up being there for almost a week, but the origin of my illness was never found.

After that, the year has been pretty much a rollercoaster (and I really do not like rollercoasters). Sleep deprivation after the hospital adventure, stress, stuff happening... I have been sick more often than normally. I have struggled with different things, so much that it feels like a never ending circle. The winter holiday, to be honest, hasn't offered me with too much escape from stress, as the deadlines are evilly looming in the future and time hasn't been my best friend either.

I do have the feeling that now things are starting to calm down, but letting go of stress is never a simple task when your brain is constantly telling you could do better. The last waves are rolling over me and the approaching essay deadlines are never fun, but I am crossing my fingers for a better 2018.

I do not like New Year's resolutions, but the end of the year is always a good point to look back a little. Instead of making resolutions, I tend to pinpoint things I should work on, on a more general scale.

Now the thing I want - and need - to work on is being kinder to myself. Self doubt has come back to me, and I need to let go of it. I will do my best to keep in mind that the nagging voice in my head is not right, and I am good enough. I will look more into self care, to learn loving myself more. Writing down my thoughts helps me, so you will share my parts of my journey on the blog too.

It's okay to not always be okay. I know it, but it's about time to believe it.

Helsinki-Stockholm Cruise

Winter holidays! Jack travelled to Finland with me for pre-Christmas. We had been thinking of going to Tallinn for a day trip during his eight day stay, or maybe staying overnight, but we happened to find a cruise to Stockholm instead; the short cruises are a good way to explore cities, and the atmosphere on the ships is worth experiencing as well - for better or worse. We did have fun, watching children roam around "drunk" from sugar, and adults actually drunk.

Stockholms is a beautiful city, and six hours always ends up seeming too short. You can easily spend it just wandering around Gamla Stan, and that was what we mostly spent our time doing. The small alleys are charming during Christmas time, and there's always another lovely design shop around the corner. It is a shame though, that the weather was not so good - we left snowy Helsinki for a foggy, grey Stockholm. We wanted to go to Södermalm as well, to see views of the city from higher up, but it started to rain and the winter months left us in the dark.

Maybe we need to return to Stockholm in the spring to see a bit more?

Hyde Park's Winter Wonderland

Normally flashy lights and amusement park rides would be about the polar opposite of what I associate with Christmas; but Winter Wonderland is very much what Christmas in London is about. Mulled wine and bands playing songs that everybody will sing along to, so nobody will actually pay attention to the quality of the performance. I was happily surprised that the area never got too clustered and I enjoyed looking around with a hot drink in my hand.

Nonetheless, I am looking forward my traditional, cozy Finnish Christmas more and more. 🎄

REVIEW: The Killing of a Sacred Deer

As The Killing of a Sacred Deer is the third movie I have seen by Yorgos Lanthimos (the other two being his most famous ones, Dogtooth and The Lobster, of course), I did expect weirdness from his newest one as well. Still, The Killing of a Sacred Deer surprised me; the unsettling intensity of the film was very different from the quirkiness of The Lobster or even the disturbing alienation of Dogtooth.

The familiar deadpan humour was there, but I was surprised of how funny couple of tipsy ladies in the cinema found the film; it is a very gruesome story.  Lanthimos favourite Colin Farrell is once again brilliantly stiff in a leading role as a successful cardiologist, and Nicole Kidman is his beautiful doctor wife Anna. Their two children (Raffey Cassidy & Sunny Suljic) are well behaved, they have a beautiful home, but there is emptiness in Steve's (Farrell) way of interacting with people – from his calculating conversations with coworkers to preferences in bed. In addition to his seemingly perfect life he has a curious friendship with a teenage boy called Martin (Barry Keoghan), with whom he frequently meets up at a diner, and gives expensive presents to. And then bad things start to happen.

The rawness in interaction between family members are countered by supernatural storyline, but that does not feel far stretched thanks to steady building up of the tension. Brilliant Lobster-esque classical soundtrack accompanies the film, throwing cacophonic notes at the viewer even at calmer points, ensuring the feeling that something is going to happen.

Lanthimos offers less of horror and thrill; the feeling I repeatedly experienced during the film was shock. Where Dogtooth shocks by breaking of taboos, The Killing of a Sacred Deer draws the emotion from normal family dynamics getting twisted, which made me more involved and emotionally responsive.  

Presence of Martin, outsider from the family, reminds me of Dans la Maison (François Ozon, 2012) - the emotional investment on his inexplicable, mysterious guest puts us in the seat of teacher Germain Germain (Fabrice Luchini). Martin shares ominousness with the teenager in Ozon's film, finding his way "into the house" as well as the head of the protagonist. Notable is also the possibility of sexual tension between a teenage boy and adult man in both works, that is not explored in further detail and so the question lingers over the disturbing events of the film.

Maybe just slightly slow, The Killing of a Sacred Deer is definitely recommended, skillful and thought-provoking thriller.

Dublin // Mini holiday in Ireland 28.10.-1.11.

After Cork, we headed back to Dublin, enjoying it for couple of days. Halloween was spent in Temple Bar, listening to Irish music and drinking Guinness; days spent strolling, seeing couple of museums, Glasnevin Cemetery & botanic gardens.

Little Museum of Dublin was a quirky little gem. Although small indeed, it gave out feeling of Dublin's personality. It felt like there would be endless stories, but the tour was quite short; it was still fun to look around. Seeing the statue of Oscar Wilde was of course a must - who doesn't love Oscar Wilde? There were a lot of interesting and beautiful statues in the parks of Dublin otherwise too.

Next time I'll travel, I'll be heading back to Finland for my winter holiday... Can't wait for proper relaxing and Christmas moods!

Cork // Mini holiday in Ireland 28.10.-1.11.

 

Autumn makes me tired, and I have been busy with my uni work; that's why I haven't posted the pictures of our mini holiday to Ireland earlier like I was supposed to. Prior to the holiday I was very stressed, as we had booked the tickets before I knew our essay deadlines had been made earlier, meaning I had to finish all the essays with less time to work on them; also, our original Airbnb host in Cork cancelled our stay couple of days before travelling, but luckily enough a lovely host had just posted her room for the first time.

After waiting for a while at Dublin airport, we got a bus to south; the drive was quite long, and our bus broke on the way (and quite confusingly, the driver didn't tell anyone first when we parked next to the substitute bus), but at least it was nice to look at the green scenery. For some reason I was photographing less than I normally do, and to be honest, Cork ended up being bit of a disappointment; it was mostly about the timing, though. We were looking for a relaxing weekend in a nice town, and did not realise that there was a jazz festival going on, and of course Halloween made the streets busier than regular as well. Drunken people shouting on the streets quite early in the evening is not exactly relaxing.

What comes to sights, we went to the Cork City Gaol; a beautiful old jail, but it left you little cold. The exhibitions themselves were not too wide, and what was even weirder, a changing exhibition was set up so some of the other displays were hidden (we realised this as some informative boards were floppy and we could have a peek behind them). Audiovisual presentation did not work, and a piece of paper was taped where a piece was removed. Moreover, there were Halloween decorations around, which to be honest were quite embarrassing; for example, a bloody doll in a cell of a woman who had beaten her children.

Before leaving Cork, we went to Blarney Castle. Of course we had to climb the tower, but that turned out to be a silly decision as it turned out to be way scarier for my scared-of-heights-ass than I anticipated; I survived up and down, but I was shaking and felt like throwing up afterwards, even with (obviously) skipping the kissing of the Blarney stone. The estate was lovely to stroll around but whoops - Blarney House was closed for the time being, so there was less to see there too than we would've hoped.