Starting off 2017 by being tucked under covers, wearing two layers of clothes, medicated, and still freezing like heck might not make it surprising that this year has not been my best. After being well enough to get tested in couple of days, I found out I had alarmingly high stats, went to the hospital, and got myself straight to the ER. I ended up being there for almost a week, but the origin of my illness was never found.
After that, the year has been pretty much a rollercoaster (and I really do not like rollercoasters). Sleep deprivation after the hospital adventure, stress, stuff happening... I have been sick more often than normally. I have struggled with different things, so much that it feels like a never ending circle. The winter holiday, to be honest, hasn't offered me with too much escape from stress, as the deadlines are evilly looming in the future and time hasn't been my best friend either.
I do have the feeling that now things are starting to calm down, but letting go of stress is never a simple task when your brain is constantly telling you could do better. The last waves are rolling over me and the approaching essay deadlines are never fun, but I am crossing my fingers for a better 2018.
I do not like New Year's resolutions, but the end of the year is always a good point to look back a little. Instead of making resolutions, I tend to pinpoint things I should work on, on a more general scale.
Now the thing I want - and need - to work on is being kinder to myself. Self doubt has come back to me, and I need to let go of it. I will do my best to keep in mind that the nagging voice in my head is not right, and I am good enough. I will look more into self care, to learn loving myself more. Writing down my thoughts helps me, so you will share my parts of my journey on the blog too.
It's okay to not always be okay. I know it, but it's about time to believe it.
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